When you’re working in the yard on July 3rd, the sunniest day of the year, it’s not enough to diligently cover your face, ears, neck, shoulders, and arms with sunscreen. You must also cover that strip across your back that becomes exposed when you bend down and your shirt rides up.

If you forget to do this, looking at the strip of bright red across your pasty back just above the waistline of your jeans will give a new meaning to the term “red, white and blue” on the uncomfortable holiday that follows.

That, and your husband will have a gas telling all your friends how you “burned your plumber’s crack”, even though the burn is much higher than said crack.